Do you ever try to write someone, or talk to them, but wonder what to say-not because you’re quiet and seldom speak, or aren’t interested in keeping in touch with people, but because your heart feels so full and you’re not sure what to do with the emotion?
Though I love to talk, I experience this from time to time-this speechlessness, because single words seem inadequate to convey what I feel deep inside. No word comes close to describing what, or how, I’m feeling.
In these situations, though it would be inappropriate for a telephone conversation, I write poetry. My mind rambles and I try to put words on paper, hoping the finished product will convey to a greater extent what I am feeling, rather than using mere isolated words.
Think about it. I can tell you I feel wonderful. While you’d be happy I was feeling wonderful, you would be wondering why I was feeling that way- what spurred the emotion. Through poetry, I am better able to tell you.
I communicate with some friends and family members, every day, in some form or another (phone/e-mail/messenger). With others, it is three to four times a week. Still, with others, it may be once every few months!
Whatever the case, when I hear from family and friends, in whatever format, it is wonderful to hear their voices. Even if they send an e-mail, I can hear the voice behind it. I feel as though they are talking to me.
When I hear from those (who are closest to me) often, and suddenly go without hearing anything for a while, I wonder if I said or did something to cause them offense. I search through my memory, and can’t think of anything (unless it is because of honesty) yet I’m not truly comfortable until I receive word.
You see-the people I am closest to are those who understand me most-those who are listeners, despite what I may be feeling- those with whom I feel comfortable to vent my frustration or to laugh hysterically in their presence. I don’t want to lose any of them! Life wouldn’t be the same with one less friend in it, and I thank God for all my friends.
You understand my passion. You know what makes my heart beat. You know I feel so much emotion and that it consumes me, at times, yet you accept me as I am -not judging, nor condemning-but, lovingly, passing along advice you feel I may need, and I thank you!
It’s just so wonderful having you in my life and I cannot imagine life without you because with you in my life, even on rainy days, I can feel the rays of the sunshine.
For you, I have written this poem and I hope it blesses your heart.
Hearing Your Voice
Just sitting here
thinking of you
not sure what to say-
write poetry, I'll do.
Twas nice to hear
your voice again.
I had wondered
where you had been.
Not used to the silence.
Don't like the sound.
Inside my heart
some fear did abound.
I was afraid I'd said,
or done, the wrong thing
I thought you might have left-
what pain it did bring!
Please, do not fret!
I'm as sound as can be.
But I love our friendship-
it means a whole lot to me.
You understand me-
when few people try
and so, when I hear you
my spirit doth fly.
Whether I'm hurting
or laughing with joy,
you're there to listen-
Without you, I’d die.
I know I have passion
as my writings reveal.
So much inside me-
I can't help but feel!
It's nice to have you
in this life of mine.
Even on a rainy day
I feel the sunshine.
Copyright 2005 Norma Budden-Aningat
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